AWKWARD

My sister has had a habit of doing this lately. Its actually quite awkward. It all arose from a conversation I was having with a friends boyfriend who coincidentally has a sibling of similar age with Downsyndrome. Now im not going to lie we (well at least me) were absolutely trashed, it was a party and the details are foggy but it gave one a few points to ponder.

Now as you are all aware as part of growing up we all develop bits that grow and bits that get hairier and things that are just weird. Another one of these changes is that we start to get some wierd feelings that make us want to be super special best friends with others and maybe even make them our boyfriend or girlfriend and kiss them on the lips (heaven forbid)

My sister has great empathy as most downsyndrome people have. Well actually as the majority of the human race has but especially those with special needs. It got me thinking. I mean we all have our gripes and discomfort about the opposite sex. We've all had that childhood crush and that not so childhood crush (JAMES FRANCO JAMES FRANCO JAMES FRANCO) The break up's, the heart breaks, the first kiss, the worst kiss, the wrong kiss and the drunken SU freshers regret that in the morning kiss. The spin the bottle kiss anyway and thats only well first base literally.....

So is it coincidence that we only develop these feelings at a certain age where we can handle them. If puberty hit earlier im thinking Justin Bieber would be out of a job. So what happens when you dont have the maturity but you have the feelings. We  have fathomed enough education and maturity to tactically lure those ones you have super special feelings for. I have compiled a list below.

"get your coat, your pulled"

"You’re like an exothermic reaction, you spread your hotness everywhere!"

"You must not be kosher for passover because you're makeing my matza rise"

"Baby iz ur weave reel coz i saw it in the hairstore but it was reel expensive!  damn guuurl!! n e gurl wiv weave so expensive can be my baby mama..." 

"Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?"

"Does this rag smell like chloroform......."

After a little investigation I also understood there are other things you can do and some more rules. 

Make eye contact 
Try not to stare.
Make conversation 
but do not talk about racism, rape, murder, ex partners and or the sexual urges you have for that person right in front on them.
Do not do switch between voices such as Darth Vader to Alan Carr.
Have things in common- not genes.
Wear clean clothes.
Make sure they are the right age because if they are too young you might get told off by the police and if they are too old they might die.
Make sure they are not already in a relationship.

And there is league's. They could be in or out of your league. Way above or below or no where near. How do you even find out your "League"

The list is literally endless. As Stevie Wonder once said " I just called to say I love you" 
I have had a stalker recently who has been calling me. He called me saying precisely that. I did not make me have feelings for him back. So if Stevie Wonder cant get it right....
What im trying to say is that its just so confusing for the right minded of us. What im really trying to say is a few months ago I caught my sister eating raw bacon out of the fridge. I asked her why and she said its because its from the same animal as Ham and she really really likes Ham.  How on earth is she meant to handle this whole realtionship/hormone thing.

I was once so struck ( and tired) one late library allnighter by a slight passing interest  that while buying a midnight snack of dorito's I swiped my Dorito and bit into my student card. If these Hormones make you do such ridiculous things then I dread to think how my sister would handle things especially after she is still mourning the death of dobby. Can you imagine a break up.

So this is the thing that she has been doing alot lately. She has latched onto the whole relationship thing. It was the Royal wedding that did it. Instead of turning the corner of the page in the Argos catalogue with Bratz on it is now the page with rings. She will ask usually ask 3 things to unbeknownst lovers.
"boyfriend and girlfriend?"
"kissing?"
"married" 

and sometimes if your lucky she will strike you with the last one 

"sex?'

This is the worst when it is your friends brother/dad, Ex or school friend or even potential and the other half of the couple she is referring to is me. I mean how do you even begin to explain such situations such as they are on/off, seeing each other, had history, it's complicated, he got bored, she couldn't handle him, in each others pockets, long distance, he decided he liked other men instead. I took some kids away last weekend on an adventure/ outdoors things. They play it as simple as it was in primary school.
"will you be my girlfriend" 
"no"
and its as simple as that. No hard feelings quick and simple.


I did ask one boy on this weekend away why he was throwing ash at another girl. He turned to me and said "because she will get dirty and need a bath." I looked at him curiously and he said " you need to be naked to get a bath"
That however is a story for another day.

Last year my sister came and told me she had a boyfriend. After a bit of investigation I found out it was a very good looking boy 6'1 Harry Styles esque.. who had autism. He doesn't  talk and didn't like human contact. I aksed her why they were boy friend and girlfriend and she just did a little bit of an awkward squirm and went a little red and signed "beautiful". I doubt he agreed or even knew he was envolved with my sister at all.

So we had a little talk. I said you can only be boyfriend and Girlfriend if you dont like the way they look but how they treat you. I said if they treat you nicely and it gives you the same feelings then maybe you might be boyfriend and girlfriend. Non of this chat up line malarkey. She just needs a boy who likes Billy Elliot and can make a good Cuppa. Its just that simple. We make it so complicated.

I then turned to her and said

"The only rule is your not allowed to touch it if its not yours - at least not until marriage"

soppy post over now.